2008.

So I just read Sam's blog. Alright, I always read Sam's blogs but the one I read tonight made me think. Why? Well, because she said that 'no one will ever understand'. And that is untrue. I know what it's like to remember everything. I know what it's like to have a song come on your iPod that makes you cringe. I know what it's like to walk outside when it's strangely warm out and to feel this weird knot in your stomach because you remember when it felt like that May and you were getting on the bus in shorts, listening to the same song you had on. I know what it's like and I understand.

Alright, maybe it's true. Maybe I didn't feel the complete emotional trauma that Sam had. I wasn't in love with a girl last year causing extreme confusion and pain. Maybe that makes my 2008 less traumatic. But I had a best friend who I worshiped like a god for 3 years, only for her to abandon me, date a kid I liked for years, let her family and friends verbally abuse me on every given occasion and just feel like I wasn't worth having a best friend because clearly I wasn't good enough. You know it isn't healthy when the person with whom you once shared your life secrets with now makes you uncomfortable. I can't talk to her without looking at my feet and pretending that I have nothing to say. When I see my old 'best friend' in the hallway, I'm hit with a rush of anger and sadness and I feel like I could possibly have Hulk-like strength that could enable me to punch a hole into a door.

When certain songs come on my iPod, I feel it in my stomach and in my chest. I can recall exactly why the song makes me feel that way. Most of the songs on the Naked Brothers Band CD and the Your Sweet Uncertainty CD are the songs that are poison to my mind. I can't really explain it or understand it and frankly I don't really want to because even if I understood it, I couldn't stop it. I just want things to go back to how they were. It doesn't help that Chris does to a different school. It doesn't help that Sam decided to never go to school again and leave me there to fend for myself in my first year of hell-ish high school. It doesn't help that I feel alone all the time. It doesn't help that the songs that drive my mind to insanity are the songs that make me feel slightly closer to the past events that I crave.

I once joked that when people talk about the 2007-2008 school year, they will simply reply with 'I have nothing to say' due to the fact that it was so complicated and emotionally draining that it was simply easier to avoid comment or remembrance. I wasn't joking, after all.