If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you sad?

Dear, God, Buddha , Natalie, whoever is looking down on me,
What do you have against me, exactly?

It seems that it's either karma, irony or just bad luck but whenever I do something or make some sort of completely accurate generalization about something, it seems to come back to haunt me almost immediately. Think I'm kidding?

Back in October, I had made up my mind (during Science class because I hate Science class and I reach my brilliant realizations when I should be learning about stars or something) that I want every single boy who wears his pants below his waist and thinks he's Eminem to die painfully. Not even two days later did a boy from my Science class (who I'm pretty sure prays to Tupac every night that he can be hood like the boys from his video games) asks me out.

Two or three days ago, Kayla and I watched 'Boy Interrupted' which is about this whiny little boy who had Bipolar depression and killed himself when he was 15. Boo-fucking-hoo. We only watched it because it was on TiVo and there is no such thing as interesting daytime TV. Anyway, the point is, it pissed me off and I went on a rant about how I hate suicidal kids and how they whine and how weak they are how and how we as humans have one job in life and that is to be alive and they can't handle it (real Grade A stuff, if you ask me.) Where's the irony? According to Sam's recent blog posts, well, I'm going to have to be on suicide/depression watch again. Awesome.

Did I mention that I hate my life?
No?
Okay, well, I hate my life.

Michael Jackson's death uproar aside, now Sam seems to think that I am replacing her with Laurie.

T_T

Seriously. As if I of all people would ever inflict the only serious emotional trauma I've received onto someone I actually care about. Laurie is not replacing Sam. I don't know how many times I can say it.

But being 100%, I felt my anti-suicide rant was justified. I hate suicidal people. I don't give a fuck if it sounds cruel. The Rascal Flatts song 'Why' just came on shuffle and it's about suicide and I don't like it. At all. I only have it on iTunes because Jay's voice makes me happy and he talks in the beginning of the song. But, the point I'm trying to make is, I'm just sick of all this drama all the time. When does life get peaceful?

Sam according to her blog, that I'm never around to talk or something? I have no idea. She's acting like I'm a different person just because I have a new friend. Though, lately, I do feel a little bit different. I let go of 7th grade, finally. It was to me what 8th grade was to Sam. It was the year I had to let go of to move forward. I do feel better now that I have moved past it but it isn't as big a difference as I assumed. But I DID move past it and that's all that matters to me.

I don't write Slade.
I don't like Andrew.
I don't talk to Nicole.
I don't hate Tom.
I'm not even 100% sure if 'So Hard' is my favorite song anymore.

And I'm okay with this. I've grown up. I'm glad to say so. I don't want to be the same kid I was back then. But that doesn't have any relevance to Sam and my friendship.

Whatever. I'm tired. Forget this.