We've come so far, don't fall.

Okay, so, I think I just snapped like a crazy person on my best friend. LOL.

I blame finals. I crammed a bunch of knowledge in my brain to take one two-hour test every day. Now I get to spend today trying to eject a year's worth of English, Math, Spanish and World Civ out of my noggin (not Science though, I have to take that final on Thursday).

Anyway, I need to use this blog to justify and explain why I just went all cuckoo for Coco Puffs on my friend so I don't feel like a complete jerkoff (I felt like one as I was talking to her but my brain and my mouth aren't connected, evidently.)

See, in like November-ish, my bestest friend decided that she uh, wasn't gonna go to school anymore. Uhhhhhhh. Yeah, I wasn't sure how to respond either. I was pissed. Like big time. But I figured it'd be best friendly of me to not freak out on her because apparently it was 'medical'. Her and I both knew this was total bullshit.

Well, technically, it was medical. The issue the doctors were trying to figure out, essentially the reason for her leave of absense, was what was causing the medical distress. I maintain that if they wanted to know what was causing her headaches and high bloodpressure and stuff, they should've just asked me. I know what it is. Its locker is about eighteen feet from my locker.

SPOILER ALERT:

It's Tori.

T_T

Yes. Sam left school because of Tori.

C'mon, people, are we suprised? I mean, I probably could've predicted this but you know, I figured, Sam wouldn't leave me at school alone. I was wrong. I then figured, well, I bet Sam will only be out a month or so. Why is that whenever I'm wrong, I'm really wrong?

So here's where it gets angry and venty and borders on 'hide-under-the-table' material. Ready?

Sam leaves school. All well and good. I'm sure it sucks. I'm sure it must suck to not be at school (wtf) and not see your friends. Okay, fine. But she doesn't get it. I am not a social person by nature, I don't tend to like people. I like Sam and Chris. I love Sam and Chris; they are my best friends. I've spent two years having the identical schedule as the two of them (mind you, I was only friends with Sam for one of the two years but you get the idea, yes?) and in one year I'm supposed to just adapt to not seeing either of them? How the fuck am I supposed to do that?

This was my freshman year of high sccool. Do you know what kind of bullshit that is to deal with? High school sucks. People suck. Schoolwork sucks. Guys suck. All of these suck-y problems that I was going through, well, I had to go through them alone because Sam (I don't blame Chris because he actually tried to go East) just 'didn't wanna go to school'? What the fuck is that? No one wants to go. We just do. We have to. It's uhhh the law.

Oh, but wait, Inner Kristyn, what if you had to see the person you were in love with every day at school? That'd be terrible! You must try to understand. UM. I DO. I DO UNDERSTAND. IN FACT, MY LOCKER IS THREE OVER FROM THE BOY I WAS IN LOVE WITH FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS. GEE, NOT-INNER-KRISTYN, I GUESS I DO KNOW WHAT THAT ONE IS LIKE.

Wait wait, Inner Kristyn, there's more. What if you had some sort of chronic pain? A headache, per se. UM, ACTUALLY, I KNOW THAT ONE TOO. HMM, MAYBE CHRONIC STOMACHACHES? OH WAIT, I'VE ONLY HAD THEM FOR SEVEN YEARS; THE LAST HALF OF MY LIFE. YES, I KNOW THAT ONE. I'M ON A ROLL HERE. ANYTHING ELSE, CONSCIOUS? BECAUSE SO FAR, SAM AND I ARE IN ONE DAMN SIMILAR BOAT.

WAIT, HERE'S SOMETHING SAM NEVER HAD TO DO; SHE NEVER HAD TO FACE HER FIRST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL, PERIOD. SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO FACE IT. WHEREAS, I FACED IT, LONELY AND BEST FRIEND-LESS.

Isn't it bad enough that I lost Nicole as a best friend? I didn't want to spend a whole year losing someone else.

This year sucked. There was a lot to go through. I would loved to have went through it with my real friend instead of telling it to an emotionless, sarcastic horndog who was too busy checking out Kaci's ass and talking about track to notice that for once, I just needed someone to listen. No, I wanted my best friend. But as always, Tori out-ranks me. Tori will always out-rank. It's just the way life will always work. I can't really change it. Sam can try to argue it all she wants. But it's never going to change how true it is. Sam cared more about how much she 'hated' Tori than her 'little best friend darling Kristyn' who faced highschool alone. Well this little darling Kristyn is sick of being quiet about this. It's fucked up. I'm still pissed. It hurt my feelings, it made me angry all the time and I want to make someone pay. Rather Tori than Sam, though, because I hate Tori and one day in the far future, I'll probably stop being pissed or harboring resentment. Whatever, I'm done today. I need to get some fan fiction done because that's the best thing ever, though I never get to read any. But I don't care. Venting over, creative writing beginning.

We lose our friends in the sea, then vanish everyday.
And dreams can fade when you don't come back the same.
When I got here it felt strange, somehow.
People I once knew seem different to me now.

Hey, baby, we're the lucky ones.
Oh, hey, baby we're the lucky ones.
When the last long night is done,
If we find our way back home,
Baby, we're the lucky ones.

Don't know what to feel like these days,
Is it gonna end? Is it ever gonna change?
We'll get back one day; sweats at night, cars on fire,
As long as we're alive.